Session #60: How to Train Your Growler

This month’s installment of the Session is hosted by Kendall at Washington Beer Blog. The topic is growlers. Of course, everyone knows that growlers are great for toting home fresh beer to enjoy in the comfort of your own castle. But, as with many things in this age of instant gratification, nobody knows where growlers come from. Hell, when our ancestors wanted a growler, they had to hunt one down and tame it.

Of course, it takes a trained eye to spot a growler in the wild. In their natural habitat, growlers are generally nocturnal and like to hide amongst hedgerows. Careful! Like any wild animal, growlers can be erratic.

Crikey!

If you have seen a growler in your area, you should take some precautions. For instance, don’t leave grabage bags out the night before pickup.

Total noob move.

Unfortunately, as our habitats collide, growlers occasionally fall victim to tragedy. Growlers foraging near the side of the road become entranced by oncoming headlights and will inexplicably dart into the road as the car draws near. The accident below is under a hit-and-run investigation, as eye-witnesses report seeing anti-growlerite, Garrett Oliver, fleeing the scene of the accident.

Poor thing. Never had a chance.

Growlers can be captured and domesticated. However, new growler owners frequently have housetraining issues. Just remember to be patient, use positive reinforcement, and never, never strike a growler.

Bad growler!

Ultimately, growlers adapt well to domesticated life, and get along well with kids and pets.They even enjoy walks!So do your part to give a growler a happy home. And if you are in the Northern Virginia area, get your ass to Port City and get your growler filled with their porter. It’ll rock a block party ’til your hair turns grey.

The Haybag: I’m just relieved you didn’t make me film the Steve Irwin “Growler Hunter” sketch you pitched.

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8 thoughts on “Session #60: How to Train Your Growler

  1. Grrrrrreat post, not a subject that fits well with us UK folk I’m afraid but loving your take on the subject. I never know growlers poop indoors and not even behind the couch! ;)

    Cheers

    • Yeah. We have some real growler fanatics over here. I think they are nice, on occasion. And I would be remiss if I did not throw a little credit your way for the photo-themed Session post idea.

    • Heh heh heh. Hope you got to see the game despite the fact that you were apparently traveling. You seemed a little ambivalent about the matchup (as was I) …but I guess at least it turned out a game till the end.

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