I received a number of name suggestions for the pig. Let me just say that I am disturbed by the number of people who were clearly thinking about eating him. In no particular order, the names are as follows:
- Snouty McStouty
- Brewski McBacon
- Beer Belly Pig
- Tickle (Apparently some character on a reality show about moonshining)
- I. Pig A. McHoppington (The most pretentious suggestion)
- Amethyrst (Apparently my Mother’s love of purple colors her vision, or she just needs to adjust the color settings on her computer screen)
- Bacon Bits
I also received a couple requests for background information to assist in naming. I guess this is important to some. Perhaps we should have held off on naming our daughter until we got a better sense of her personality. Although, I have a feeling she might not have liked Madam Whinesalot or Pookie McDawdlesfrequently.
He was born to a petting-zoo pig in a medium-sized Midwestern city. Due to a mix-up in the zoo nursery, he ended up being raised by the zoo’s sarcastic, heavy-drinking ring-tail lemur population. This explains his propensity to over-indulge on the sauce.
It also explains his lack of a tail. After one particularly Keith Moon-worthy night of binge-drinking, he bet some of the other primates at the zoo that he could hang by his tail from a tree limb. Unfortunately, it is common knowledge that neither pigs nor ringtail lemurs have prehensile tails. So, needless to say, he lost the bet and his tail. Also, he landed on his head, and ever since has had a crooked snout and an unexplained Scottish accent.
He continues to deny his swine ancestry. As such, he loves BBQ, with a particular affinity for pork BBQ. Although he prefers beer, he will drink just about anything. He has even been known to throw back martinis while scoffing at the other filthy pigs wallowing in the mud. He is 8 years old, which in pig years is like 36. And he is married and has a daughter in preschool.