Hanssens Oudbeitje (Strawberry Lambic): A cautionary tale for Strawberry Shortcake

Next up, Oudbeitje, from Belgian blender, Hanssens Artisanaal:

Oudbeitje is a blend of 2-year old lambic acquired from Boon and Girardin breweries. It’s blended, and secondarily fermented, with Belgian strawberries in wooden barrels for an additional year before it’s bottled.

For me, it started out rather inauspiciously as the cork slid out with absolutely no pop whatsoever. I poured it vigorously, only to achieve as much head as if I had poured water with the same vigor. It couldn’t even be bothered after I gave it an encouraging swirl. In fact, this entire beer became emblematic of the inevitable future of childhood starlet, Strawberry Shortcake.

1980 – 2009: Evolution of a floozy

Following Strawberry Shortcake’s numerous failed attempts at a relationship with lazy gadabout, Huckleberry Pie, she descended into an inextricable tale of woe. It started with the inevitable collapse of the World of Strawberry Shortcake’s economy, which had always been precariously based too heavily on berries, pastries, and happiness derivatives. Soon thereafter, Strawberry Shortcake’s mansion, Berry Happy Home, was foreclosed upon. With the threat of homelessness looming, Strawberry Shortcake had no choice but to give in to the persistent, amorous entreaties of the Peculiar Purple Pieman. Ultimately, Strawberry Shortcake wasted away the best years of her life in the Pieman’s musty, funky-smelling Pie Tin Palace, leading a jaded and dour existence completely devoid of her former effervescence and proclivity for berry-related word play.

We already know how Oudbeitje pours. It looks hazy orange, with just a little enough hint of pink so as to not elicit any questions of manhood. And it smells funky. Like farm animal and hay funky. And like cave-aged cheese funky (the kind with the rind that in the back of your mind makes you wonder if you’ll end up with botulism). Also, I can pick up some distant strawberry, or general tart fruitiness, amidst the funk. The taste brings some serious acidity, like greek yogurt sour and tart fruit; and the funk continues. Finally, as I wade through the funk and the sour, there are under-ripe strawberries.

This one is tough to enjoy, though. The acidity and funk are pretty high, and the fruit is sharp…which I generally enjoy; but the lack of carbonation makes it tough to hack. I liked their Oude Gueuze much better. Perhaps I will review that soon.

The Haybag sat this one out, as she thought “that beer be nasty”. She also claims that you can’t look cool drinking a lambic.


14 thoughts on “Hanssens Oudbeitje (Strawberry Lambic): A cautionary tale for Strawberry Shortcake

  1. Can’t look cool drinking a lambic?!! That statement saddens me that the Mrs. might never experience true bliss from a bottle. She just needs to try the right lambic! 😀

    • I think she has super fruity in her head when she thinks of lambics. And she hates champagne and anything champagne-like…which could pose a problem with some lambics. The Haybag is quite opinionated and a bit stubborn, really. It’s part of her charm.

  2. OMG, that’s the first beer you’ve reviewed that I actually don’t want to try. At least, not if I can have some wormy mezcal instead. As for Strawberry Shortcake, there must be something in the zeitgeist about that. I had 164 searches for that term yesterday. Is SS even current? Is her downward trajectory complete? It may well end on a street corner…pink fishnets, leaning into cars, pulling from a paper bag containing Oudbeitje (or Fruli).

    • Ahh, that’s right. I had fogetten you did a Strawberry Shortcake bit on Fruli. Hopefully, mine was different enough…I I hope I don’t divert any of your Strawberry Shortcake traffic.

      I’m pissed because I totally forgot to include reference to her repressed confusion from nobody ever acknowledging that Plum Puddin’ was originally a brainy boy, he disappearing for 2 years, and then suddenly showed up as a brainy girl. Everyone pretended like nothing was different!

      In any case, I bet she drinks Fruli now. Then when her implosion is complete she’ll have a 12 Oudbeitje/day habit.

      • Strawberry Shortcake sometimes bring in a quarter of my traffic. It has weird spikes. I google it and can’t figure out why on particular days everyone else is googling it too. So you’ll probably get that too!
        We’re actually lucky; we have only one SS book and it mysteriously disappeared. Now if only we can make Fancy Nancy disappear…

  3. I hate it when beers are low in carbonation, especially sours (which I feel need that carbonation to cut the acidity a little), so this is disappointing. I have a bottle of Hanssens Kriek sitting in my fridge, so I’m really hoping that won’t suffer from the carbonation issues… But strawberry lambic? Actually sounds pretty good to me…

    • I whole-heartedly agree.

      I poked around a bit, and it seems that the Oudbeitje is reported as at least “low” by most people. And I will say that their Oudgueze was not remarkably low. I will be interested to see how your Kriek turns out, but I am convinced Oudbeitje is an outlier.

  4. what i read: ” It started with the inevitable collapse of the World of Strawberry Shortcake’s economy, which had always been precariously based too heavily on berries, PASTIES, and happiness derivatives.” Not sure one makes more sense than the other.

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