Beer Review: Hanssens Oude Gueuze – Gueuzes, Mary, and Jospeh!

Next up, Hanssens Artisinaal Oude Gueuze:

I am undertaking a concerted effort to reduce the swearing on beerbecue. Based on my stats, I know many of you slackers read this at work. And I would hate for the 5 of you who actually read this blog to suddenly become productive because your employer started blocking my profane site. Although, you would probably just Sporcle more or play Fantastic Contraption.

Unfortunately for me and my vocabulary, this review follows the effective date of my new policy.

This is an oude gueuze: An unflavored blend of old and young lambics, which is then further aged in the bottle (this one for over 3 years). I believe the “oude” designation just means that it was produced using old school methods. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong…I concern myself more with humor and hyperbole than technical accuracy.

Here we go, with less swearing….It is an attractive beer, pouring gold-orange with a white head that recedes to a persistent film. The pour released some serious expletive funk. Upon further inspection, it smells like green apples, a cheestique, a wet sycamore tree, and a reject batch of Sweet Tarts that one of Willy Wonka’s Oompa-Loompas forgot to put sugar in. Already my salivary glands are calling for reinforcements. First taste…I obscenity in the milk of your mother! It’s like sticking your tongue to an expletive 9-volt battery (without the electrocution thing). It’s obscenity sour the whole way through. There is a little grassiness in the middle, and I also taste grape skins and some green apples with some especially obscenity tart skins. It finishes dry with a little cheesetique funk. It is fairly light bodied and has lowish carbonation.

Guezes, Mary, and Joseph, this son of an expletive is dry, sharp, sour, and funky.

I must have more.

The Haybag: Judging from the look on your face, I think I will grab something else from the fridge. Thank you, though.

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13 thoughts on “Beer Review: Hanssens Oude Gueuze – Gueuzes, Mary, and Jospeh!

  1. The first sour beer I ever had was a gueuze, and it kinda puckered me into oblivion. I didn’t really care for it. But now that I’m beginning to come around on sours, maybe I would be able to handle it better… Only one way to find out, I suppose, but I’m encouraged by the fact that you seemed to like this one!

    • Yeah, gueuze can be pretty freaking sharp. I think you need to go back to it. I bet you could hack it easy now. I had a Cantillon Classic Gueuze the other day, and it actually wasn’t nearly as brutal as I was expecting. I can’t imagine having a gueuze as my first sour, though. That’s like Andrew Jackson ballsy.

      • In truth, starting with a gueuze was more the result of ignorance than balls. Not that I don’t have balls. This response didn’t go the way I thought it would, so I’ll stop now.

  2. I tried this about a year ago and found it a step too far a few years too soon for me. I’m warming to Lambic & Geuze these days but I’m still not convinced I’m ready for another of these fellas..

    By the way, are you guys joining in the Saison day on the 16th Sept? Be great to get all transatlanticly saisoned up 🙂

    • I knew there was something more technical to it. I will blame it on my bad EU Law grade in law school. Better yet, I will blame it on my bad, ancient, wispy-eyebrowed, British, EU Law professor who told stories about his cat for half of class each day. Quite uncomfortably, though, he would use the word “pussy” instead of “cat”. For example, and I kid you not: “My pussy was making all sorts of racket last night. In fact, my pussy kept me up all night.”

      Thanks! I always appreciate your comments.

    • Yeah. The two Hanssens I had are my first experience with finding cheese in beer. I never would have I thought I’d like it…although I do like me some funky cheese.

  3. I can take or leave a gueuze depending on my mood. Sometimes they are just to much for the moment. I also want to go on record as stating that I stand firmly against a censored beerbecue. Let your inner tourettes sing!

    • You definitely have to be in the mood for a gueuze. And I appreciate your support. There will probably still be some well-placed F bombs, and whatnot. Maybe it’s just that my swearing will be more disciplined and strategic.

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