Christmas looms on the horizon. That means the triumphant return of Elf on the Shelf. For those of you not familiar with Elf on the Shelf, he is an effeminate-looking elf that shows up between Thanksgiving and Christmas to watch over the kids during the day. Every night, Elf flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa. Then Elf returns to sit in a new vantage point the next morning (sometimes with a treat in hand to reward good behavior). Quite frankly, it’s lazy parenting at its best. December is littered with hollow threats about how Elf is watching.
Another thing: Unreasonable Christmas lists from the kids. This is my 4-year-old daughter’s list:
Item #3 had me particularly concerned. I needed to get some leverage over Elf so I could influence his daily Naughty/Nice Threat Assessment with the Big Guy. Thus, I stalked Elf after-hours (when he was supposed to be reporting back to Santa)…
This could be the leverage I needed, but based on the smell of some Santas I’ve encountered, Saint Nick seems to be OK with drinking on the job. Plus, Elf told me that he had been down lately because he hadn’t seen snow in days. That seemed fair, until the next night when I discovered he wasn’t jonesing for frozen precipitation…
It pours ruby-red with a white head that recedes to a ring (and eventually to nearly nothing). The smell is big. I’ve never heard anyone say this, but I think it smells like booze-soaked cake, which is good. It also smells like cherries and an unspecified, phenolic spiciness. It starts out fairly sweet, with some cherries. It’s all like candied fruit up in here. The middle brings some spice; and it ends sweet, a little spicy, and with a hint of boozy heat. As it warms, it opens up even more, and I swear you can smell and taste a bit of honey. It’s not heavy, but it’s definitely something to drink slowly.
This beer can be divisive. I like it, though, and loyally get it every year. It’s not sweet enough to wire you like an Elf on an 8-ball bender, but you do have to be able to hack sweetness to enjoy it.
The Haybag (from her shot glass sized pregnancy portion): I like it. I wish I could have more. I blame you.