Uinta Sea Legs Baltic Porter – Beware of mermaids bearing barrel-aged ballers

Next up, Uinta’s Sea Legs Baltic Porter

photo (97)I haven’t yet done a full review of a Uinta beer, other than to be a little too hard on their decent Hopnotch. So here goes.

The label depicts a suspicious, crusty sea Captain, apparently leery of a Mermaid and her fishy wiles. And rightfully so. Mermaids were once known as topless, scheming sirens who would lure a sailor to his death in the briny depths of the sea. The sailors must have been pretty sex-starved. At worst, they were mistaking manatees for hot, long-haired, topless gals; and at best, they were being lured into the ocean by a woman clearly limited to above-the-waist action, which is like risking your life to make out with a Pentecostal chick.

More recently, though, mermaid tales have happier endings. And lucky for humans, mermaids now come ashore in bipedal form to land a choice male, such as Prince Eric or mid-1980s, afro’d Tom Hanks.

quagmire ariel

This is a baltic porter. So, it’s probably like a cross between an English porter and a Russian Imperial Stout. The bottle says it’s “wood barrel aged”, but it doesn’t say what kind of barrel. Let’s see…

It pours like a dark and moderately thick stout, and it has a dense, persistent, khaki head that leaves significant lace. It smells like one of them-there fancy Vosges chocolate, black sea salt, and caramel bars. The taste: Dark fruits, chocolate, slight roast and smoke (but not char), and…wait a second…this is a baller! This has clearly seen the inside of a bourbon barrel. There is vanilla, oak, and bourbon (albeit restrained). A pleasant surprise…like when you’re channel surfing, and you happen upon the last scene in Army of Darkness; but then you find out the channel is running an all-day Evil Dead marathon and you’ll get to see all three.

Finally, it’s smooth, a little thinner than the pour would imply, and “only” 8%. So, it goes down easy for a baller.

I like it. Get some while you can. I don’t know if Uinta is going to make more.

The Haybag (from her shot glass-sized pregnancy portion): I like it. These restrained bourbon barrel-aged beers seem to be growing on me…it could be the ridiculously small serving. Maybe I’ll pound a whole bomber myself at the hospital right after I crank out this fat baby.


12 thoughts on “Uinta Sea Legs Baltic Porter – Beware of mermaids bearing barrel-aged ballers

  1. I can’t recall if I’ve seen a Crooked Line brew that I haven’t liked yet. I’ve been meaning to buy a bottle of Birthday Suit, the sour cherry ale. The Cockeyed Cooper was good, but left me flat on my ass.

  2. Uinta seems to shoot themselves in the foot with these Crooked Series beers. They’re all fantastic, but their weirdly labeled. Labyrinth is fantastic, but they call it a “black ale” and play down the rye barrel aging. Sounds like they do something similar here, though at least Baltic Porter means something… may have to check this one out.

    • I agree. I avoided Labyrinth for a long time because of the “Black Ale” label. I didn’t see the vague “barrel aged” fine print until later. Then when I finally bought it, I was all like wha?!

      At first I thought maybe it was some weird Utah labeling law (not referencing that it was a boozy barrel), but then I remembered Cockeyed Cooper says “Bourbon Barrel Aged” in rather large font on the the front label. I don’t know what the deal is.

      Of course, dontdrinkbeer addressed it awhile back in his usual fashion: http://dontdrinkbeer.com/2012/05/02/1877/

    • It’s from Utah. I feel like you should (from a geographical fairness standpoint) be able to get it…although I don’t know what makes it north of the border. Maybe they heard you made fun of Mittens. 🙂

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