Next up, Uinta’s Sea Legs Baltic Porter
The label depicts a suspicious, crusty sea Captain, apparently leery of a Mermaid and her fishy wiles. And rightfully so. Mermaids were once known as topless, scheming sirens who would lure a sailor to his death in the briny depths of the sea. The sailors must have been pretty sex-starved. At worst, they were mistaking manatees for hot, long-haired, topless gals; and at best, they were being lured into the ocean by a woman clearly limited to above-the-waist action, which is like risking your life to make out with a Pentecostal chick.
More recently, though, mermaid tales have happier endings. And lucky for humans, mermaids now come ashore in bipedal form to land a choice male, such as Prince Eric or mid-1980s, afro’d Tom Hanks.
This is a baltic porter. So, it’s probably like a cross between an English porter and a Russian Imperial Stout. The bottle says it’s “wood barrel aged”, but it doesn’t say what kind of barrel. Let’s see…
It pours like a dark and moderately thick stout, and it has a dense, persistent, khaki head that leaves significant lace. It smells like one of them-there fancy Vosges chocolate, black sea salt, and caramel bars. The taste: Dark fruits, chocolate, slight roast and smoke (but not char), and…wait a second…this is a baller! This has clearly seen the inside of a bourbon barrel. There is vanilla, oak, and bourbon (albeit restrained). A pleasant surprise…like when you’re channel surfing, and you happen upon the last scene in Army of Darkness; but then you find out the channel is running an all-day Evil Dead marathon and you’ll get to see all three.
Finally, it’s smooth, a little thinner than the pour would imply, and “only” 8%. So, it goes down easy for a baller.
I like it. Get some while you can. I don’t know if Uinta is going to make more.
The Haybag (from her shot glass-sized pregnancy portion): I like it. These restrained bourbon barrel-aged beers seem to be growing on me…it could be the ridiculously small serving. Maybe I’ll pound a whole bomber myself at the hospital right after I crank out this fat baby.