Beer Review: New Belgium Pluot – Don’t F%$k With Mother Nature

Next up, New Belgium Pluot:

pluot

This is beer brewed with Pluots, which are a sweet 70/30 cross of plums and apricots. While I usually find fruit hybrids interesting, they make me a bit uneasy. Clearly, in the animal and plant kingdom, the sum of good + good does not always equal good…or 2good, or whatever. Several cases in point.

First we take a crab. Mmmm, tasty. Sure, they’ve got claws, but they’re pretty easy to avoid.

crab

In fact, sometimes I wish they had bigger, juicier claws and maybe a tail…like a lobster.

lobster

Which might yield:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I take it back! There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home…

The South Pacific’s coconut crab. It’s the world’s largest land-dwelling arthropod and one of the scariest-looking creatures not from Australia.  They are mainly herbivores (they eat coconuts…duh), but some have developed a taste for the flesh of tortoise hatchlings, rats, other crabs, and Amelia Earhart. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s suspected that coconut crabs ate her remains, then hoarded her bones in their burrows as creepy little crab trophies. Did I mention they climb trees to fetch coconuts and purposefully fall out of the tree, rather than climbing down like civilized creatures? Welcome to paradise (watch out for the 10-pound ninja crab ambush from overhead).

As another example, take comic strip character Ziggy. I think it’s pretty well accepted that he is cute. He’s a little preachy, especially for someone who never wears pants…but cute:

Cute. Preachy...but cute.

Dial down the optimism, pervert.

Add a dash of fish. Preferably a cute fish:

Awww. It's Nemo.

Awww. It’s Nemo.

Which might yield:

That ain't right.

Ummm. That ain’t right. Let us not speak any further of the blobfish.

This beer is from New Belgium’s Lips of Faith Series, their usually good small batch series. This one is brewed along with pluots and using a blend of brettanomyces and belgian ale yeast.

It pours a dull gold, with a head that recedes so quickly it warrants a “Gosh, I’m sorry. This has never happened to me before.” It smells like sweet plums, grain, pineapple, and something strange in the background that I can’t quite place. It’s not quite brett funky, and it’s not quite New Belgium’s earthy/nutty house flavor that many of their beers carry. The taste is like a way too sweet tripel, dosed with pluot juice. Yikes this bastard is sweeter than a “My Little Ponies Save Caralot” movie narrated by Mrs. Poole from the Hogan Family. I was hoping for a little tartness, but the only distraction from the onslaught of sweet is that aforementioned earthy/nutty funk. Ultimately, the beer’s one redeeming quality is its 10% ABV, helping you get in touch with your inner diabetic hobo.

The Haybag: Remember when you said none of the stuff you picked-up at the beer store sucked. Wrong.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Beer Review: New Belgium Pluot – Don’t F%$k With Mother Nature

  1. Seriously. I gotta stop perusing the blogosphere before settling in to a day of ho-humness, aka work. You’re walking the creepy/funny line quite steadily. I stifled 3 “LOLs” during this read. Most impressive!

    As far as the beer, I have yet to get my hands on any Lips of Faith beers. All I’ve had from these guys was Ranger IPA and Fat Tire. Fat Tire is pretty ho-hum, but Ranger was super tasty. What I really want to try is that Lychee thing they make. Not sure why really. I’m not a fan of the Lychee, but for whatever reason, I’m intrigued.

    I have a sudden craving for Lobster Mac and Cheese washed down with a Peeper…

    • Thanks. And I definitely like the Tart Lychee. It is definitely a freaky fruit (the Haybag puts blueberries in hollowed out lychess and uses them as eyeballs in Rin RIckeys around Halloween). It’s a good summer beer. Lightly tart and a little sweet, but still refreshing.

      • Funny. I was actually contemplating the Alien facehugger angle, but ended with 10 lb ninja crab ambush instead. A tough call, indeed. But it means I have the facehugger in the back pocket for another review!

  2. And it’s all downhill from here….

    That is one crazy-ass funny post! I was going to write something tonight but you’ve check mated me before my opening keystroke!

    As for the pluot brew, I have to admit I’m a fan of the modestly freaking hybrid fruit itself but it doesn’t appear as it plays well with the beery elements (or perhaps the hybrid yeast blend is the real culprit). In any event, we don’t get the LOF Series here so I won’t have to actively avoid it.

    Cheers!

    • Thanks, man. And I have to admit. I like pluots. They are definitely tasty…super sweet, but tasty.

      And I look forward to your crazy-ass funny post that you will no doubt write tonight.

  3. I always admire your ability to twist an otherwise normal phrase: “It’s the world’s largest land-dwelling arthropod and one of the scariest-looking creatures not from Australia.”

    I love Ranger IPA, but haven’t touched the LOF stuff because of the price point. If I could sample it before throwing down 6-7 dollars a bottle, maybe. They seem like pretty expensive gambles, especially when you’re talking about voluntarily drinking the result of an abomination let loose upon the world.

    • Thanks! I like Ranger. I also had Rampant recently and thought it was pretty darn good. I definitely feel like LOF is hit and miss. I picked this one up initially because the bottle reminded me of Tart Lychee and I was hoping that it would be a similar brew. Alas, this was not the case.

  4. Someone isn’t doing their job. The coconut crab should have been the subject of a SyFy Saturday night original movie a long time ago. You don’t even have to cross it with something else (Sharktapus – really?) to make it any more scary when you take into consideration that it will jump out of a tree onto you.

    The beer? I walked away from the Lips of Faith beers a while ago, but I forget which one caused me to put a blind spot where they sit on the shelf. Maybe I should revisit.

  5. I’m beginning to wonder if beer has jumped the shark. Is there such a dearth of ideas that beermakers have nothing left but…weird things? Sign me up, though, I want that 10% ABV.

  6. According to wikipedia, coconut crabs can become poisonous based on their diet. So the only thing worse than that monstrosity is the idea that it might have venom. I’m never sleeping again. I want to apologize to it for all the crabcakes I’ve eaten.

  7. Pingback: Beer Review – Dogfish Head 61 Pushes Boundaries by Bridging Them | The AleMonger

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s