Beerbecue Daycare: Day 3 – DIPAs and Statutory Interpretation

The Haybag was back at the office Wednesday. So, Beerbecue Daycare day #3 started with the sinking feeling that willfully ignoring diapers would get me nowhere. And I had forgotten how much you talk to babies when you’re alone. Not the cutesy “Oh, look at Mr. Giraffe” bullshit. More like the offhand small talk, even though they clearly can’t respond. Unfortunately, I don’t think Clara would respond anyway. She has formed an exclusive “besties” clique with her feet. This may seem a little strange, but imagine you just discovered your feet. It’d be mind-blowing…like you simultaneously figured out how to achieve cold fusion and beat Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.

2.0 and I made our way to Old Town’s Pizzeria Paradiso. They are having JulyPA the next 2 weeks, which apparently means all their taps will be IPA, or similar. One offering caught my eye: Blue Mountain Barrel-Aged Big Blue DIPA. So, Beerbecue Daycare was on the scene to investigate.
The online list said it was a barrel-aged baller. Interestingly, the on-site beer list made no mention of baller status. And unfortunately, nobody at Pizzeria Paradiso seemed to know. The best they could do was speculate that since there was enough room on the menu to have included a reference to its barrel-aged status, it must not be one. I think this is known as the “it coulda fit” school of statutory interpretation, which is a lesser-known off-shoot of strict constructionism. Also, it’s not to be confused with the more inclusive “it couldn’ta fit” school of thought.

“The Court finds persuasive the petitioner’s argument that but for the lack of space between the seventh and eighth article of amendment the Framers would have included the right to free donuts. It just couldn’ta fit.”

Now to the beer:


It poured a clear amber. And it had a tiny, white head, but I think the bartender was just maximizing the beer in the cute, little glass they use. Also, you can’t smell as much when it’s filled to the brim, but I ain’t gonna hate for that. It’s huge: Grapefruit, pineapple, sweet malt, and what could either be oakiness or a woodsy hop character. Baller status, inconclusive. Magic 8-Ball says ask again later. It finishes pretty bitter, with a bit of booziness and some herbal and earthy business creeping in once in awhile. I like it, but it could be a little (lot) much for some. But it’s a Double IPA, playa. If it’s too much for you, your contributory negligence begs the question: What’re you doin’ in Double IPA’s neighborhood at this time of night anyway? Go cry to your Double IPA Victims Group. I take a break to throw some peaches and sweet potatoes at 2.0, but the finish is still hanging around like Captain Woody Hazelwood has run his hop oil tanker aground  in my mouth; and iconic, pitiful pictures of my hop-coated tongue will circulate the interwebz for years after the destruction subsides.
The Haybag: Ahhh, sweet potatoes and peaches. That explains the orange gunk I found between her fingers and toes last night.

15 thoughts on “Beerbecue Daycare: Day 3 – DIPAs and Statutory Interpretation

  1. Barrel aging an IPA just sounds like a bad idea, though I guess it could be made to work. Love these Beerbecue daycare posts (and tweets). Brilliant!

    • Indeed. I wasn’t really picking up any vanilla or other hints of bourbon. So I feel like if it was barrel aged, it would be for a very short period or in a plain oak barrel. I’m told that Doom (Double Trouble aged in bourbon barrels for 4-months) is good, and that the barrel treatment just presents almost like an added malt character (and doesn’t fuck up the hops), but suspicious beerbecue iz suspicious.

  2. With all the legal jargon flying around in that daycare I was expecting to a Doctrine of Percolating Waters reference – plenty of potential angles where it could come to good use.

    As for barrel aging an IPA, I’d slap a Cruel and Unusual Fermentation charge against them. The process works beautifully with certain styles but totally overpowers and confuses others. I’ve never had a barrel aged IPA and I hope I never do. I imagine it would taste something like liking the wooden stick after polishing of a hopsickle.


    • I’m sure that was mentioned in property law at some point..I just can’t remember it. Otherwise, I might have used it. I am game to try Founders Doom. I am skeptical, though.

  3. So you discovered an interesting and confusing double IPA and Clara discovered her feet. All in all a very productive day at Beerbecue daycare. I have to agree with Alemonger a bit here. A touch of raw oak might be nice, but Godzilla stepping on an IPA (double or otherwise) with a bunch of bourbon flavor is just a crime. Sounds like Blue Mountain at least didn’t take it to the side of stupidity.

  4. So I decided to do some research on this beer the same way I do all my legal research: with google. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much on their barrel aging (or not). We may have an issue with the statute of frauds.

    By the way, looks like I’ll be moving to your area. Any beer stores/breweries/drinking establishments I will need to frequent?

    • I getting near 500 words. I had to shut it down. I figured I’d try to fit it in the Day 5 wrap-up/lessons learned post…if my lazy ass gets around to writing it. I posted three times last week…I deserve a week or two off!

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