This month’s installment of the Session is hosted by Nichole of the Tasting Nitch. The topic is Women and Beer: Scary Beer Feminists or a Healthy Growing Demographic? So, this Session, Nitch has us examining the cultural shift that gender is taking in the beer world. I have some opinions on the matter.
It’s an outrage. Their ranks are growing. They’re drinking more beer and becoming more vocal. It’s a scourge. Why is the explosion of women drinking beer a bad thing?
They have opinions
This is the worst, amiright? Whatever happened to seen and not heard? Or was that kids? It should have been women, I’ll tell you that much. And why should I have to take someone else’s feelings into account? When the Haybag was pregnant I had free-reign over the beer supply. Not one complaint about day-in-and-day-out of oppressive sours or bone-dry saisons. It was beautiful. Which leads me to my next point:
We have to share
I don’t want to share my beer. It’s my beer dammit. Now, I’m not a total jerk. You ladies can have a sip, but stop being so damn greedy. And with the hyper competition for the great beers, do you guys really want to throw the other half of the human race into the melee? No.
They have economic power
Listen, I’m fine with the ladies entering the workforce and all. It’s not like I’m a sexist or anything. But seriously, just because you make some money suddenly entitles you to a say in purchasing decisions or having your preferences heard? That’s preposterous. You hear that beeping? Yeah, that’s the entitlement bus, and it needs to back the fuck up.
Women apparently have better tastebuds
Oh, so now you’re bringing the ad hominem. Real mature, ladies. Kick us while we’re down. Take our stuff, then ridicule us based on innate physiological capacity. Listen, just because we’re sensory-challenged, doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. Jerks.
I mean, is there some sort of Cosmo shortage? Is that why you’re swooping on one of our last remaining domains? Did widespread frost decimate this year’s appletini crop? Listen, it’s cool if this is temporary; but if this turns into a long-term thing, it’s gonna be a problem.
The Haybag: I’m going to assume this is satire and let you live. Now, why don’t you be a dear and go fetch us a beer.