When I hear Flower Power, I only imagine dirty, smelly hippies. All the beer store cashier could talk about, though, was Super Mario and flower power-ups. And I have to admit, nothing chafes my hide more than misplaced love for Mario. No video game character is more beloved, yet more deserving of our outrage than that fascist-mustachioed, overall-wearing, mushroom-tripping prick.
Even the Haybag, who thinks video games are a monumental waste of time, played Super Mario. But everybody seems to forget that Mario first busted on to the scene as the hero in Donkey Kong. Fair enough. What’s so bad about a working-man rescuing his haybag from the hairy mitts of a filthy, barrel-tossing ape? Well, everybody conveniently forgets the game’s backstory.
That filthy ape is actually Mario’s pet. Now, before passing judgment, let’s set aside the improbability and questionable moral underpinnings of owning an ape as a pet. What we can’t look past, however, is the reason Donkey Kong snapped: Mario abused his monkey…and not in the euphemistic sense, either.
While the particular type of mistreatment is unclear, several sources indicate that Mario forced Donkey Kong to perform in the circus by balancing on barrels, while juggling pineapples and avoiding flaming torches. That’s some serious Michael Vick shit right there. No wonder the ape is pissed.
The beer pours as pictured above, without the pansies. It’s got a nice, white, fluffy head. It doesn’t leave much lace, but I ain’t gonna hate for that. It smells like peaches, pineapple, and citrus, with some floral in the backseat. The taste is orange and grapefruit with a kiss of honey. It finishes nice with a pleasant bitterness and a slight, lingering resin that hopheads will dig. It’s kind of like crossing Hopslam with Two Hearted; but less sweet and heavy than the Hopslam, less floral than the Two Hearted, and a little more resinous on the finish. I likey.
The Haybag: It’s fine, but get this post away from me. That Ron Jeremy terrorist guy’s picture totally creeps me out.