BBQ: Smokin’ a Fatty (Bacon, Sausage, Bacon, and Brie)

The Curmudgeon (beerbecue’s Pretension Ombudsman) has accused beerbecue of failing to acknowledge the “becue” in its name. Interestingly, since he usually shows up to sample any BBQ, this strikes me as a bit self-serving. Regardless, today we are throwing together a bacon explosion. As a modification, we are going to add some brie, because we’re all classy ‘n shit at beerbecue.

The bacon explosion is really just a smoked fatty.  Smoked fatties started when some motherloving genius grabbed a roll of Bob Evans sausage, tossed it on the smoker for a couple hours, and threw it at his starving family while they waited for the BBQ to reach perfection. Then people started stuffing them, until the nirvana of fatties was reached when BBQ Addicts invented the Bacon Explosion.

What you’ll need:

  • 2 lbs bacon
  • 2 lbs sausage (I used breakfast, some use Italian)
  • Your favorite BBQ dry rub (Careful, not too much salt, as this is pretty salty on its own.) I threw one together.
  • Your favorite BBQ sauce (optional)
  • Brie (or perhaps some Gouda…for a little more flavor)

First step, we will need some dirty, dirty music from the capital of diabetes and heart disease: Mississippi. Any blues will do, actually, as long as the musician is from the South, does not know his true birthday, has been married no fewer than 5 times, and has fathered no fewer than 15 children.

T-Model Ford: From Mississippi, born between '20 and '25, five ex wives, and an estimated 26 kids.

  • Set up a bacon weave with half the bacon and sprinkle on some dry rub. I know how to do this from months of watching Epic Meal Time.

Smart.

  • Place some saran wrap over the bacon, flatten out the sausage over the top of the bacon weave, and sprinkle more dry rub on.

  • Throwing it in the fridge at this point will make it easier to roll later. Fry up some bacon and cut it up. Take the monstrosity out of the fridge and sprinkle the bacon over the top.

  • Add some Brie, or your classy cheese of choice (some add BBQ sauce in lieu of cheese at this point).

  • With the care and skill of a Cuban cigar roller, roll up the sausage nice and tight. Pinch off the seams nicely to avoid a cheese blowout.

Ladies and Gentlemen: A fatty

  • Remove the saran wrap without breaking the fatty. And, with the skill of a redneck sushi chef, use the aluminum foil to roll the bacon around the fatty.

  • Then sprinkle the outside with some more dry rub (some folks will even coat it with some BBQ sauce at this point and/or towards the end of the smoke).

I am developing some left arm pain and shortness of breath already.

  • Put this unholy thing on your smoking apparatus for about 3 hours at 225F. I was a little pressed for time, so I ended-up in the 250-260F range for a little over 2 hours. I used half hickory and half apple wood.

  • When it reaches an internal temp of 165F, pull out your fatty. Let your fatty sit for a bit so you don’t lose the juices when you cut it. I have seen some people, before slicing, stick a bunch of skewers into it (one for each slice) so it looks all like Hellraiser Fatty. It makes it less likely to fall apart and people have a way to hold it and eat it. That’s a little too fancy for this guy.

The Hayabg: I can think of some better things to do with a day off work.

The Curmudgeon: Holy shit. Sometimes there are no words…one simply bows their head and says, “Thank you.”

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Beer Review: Simple Malt Double Porter

Next up, Simple Malt’s Double Porter. I think this beer is from Quebec.  The label has a bunch of French words, and two English words: Strong Beer. Works for me.

Rough translation of French words: Drink me.

It pours a not-quite-black dark brown, with auburn highlights. It has a nice tan head that leaves a little lacing. It smells like chocolate and smokey smoked smokey bacon…hopefully that explains why our female dog is trying to hump my leg.

Female dog + leg hump = double sex fail

This beer tastes like 3 days of sitting by a fire, eating bacon, and drinking nothing but beer and scotch, also known as: camping. No wonder the Haybag keeps telling the beer that it needs to shower.

It’s interesting. You can’t argue with the flavor of malt, smoked bacon, scotch, and chocolate.  All at once…why not?  Also, even though the flavors are heavy-handed, the mouthfeel is not.  This stuff may be growing on me.

For more on smoke beers, Sportsglutton has a thorough review of a classic smokey beer, Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen.

The Haybag: What the hell?!  The dog is trying to French-kiss me.  I’m not feelin’ this beer. But, hey, I’m a vegetarian.

BBQ munchies

It’s time to put the “becue” back in “beerbecue”.  If you are doing it right, barbecue takes a long time (anywhere from 3 to 12 hours, and even more if you are dealing with a caveman-size slab of meat).  A growing boy can get hungry in that amount of time…

The four food groups.

Of course, each of these items is healthy and tasty.  But combined, they constitute wildly un-kosher, interim nourishment for the pitmaster and his impatient, unruly subjects.

Do this:

More specifically, fashion a slice of sausage and a piece of bacon into a little cup-like dealie-bob, and sprinkle some brown sugar and pour some bourbon around (make sure to get some inside the cup). Let ’em sit and get freaky to some Barry White, Barry Manilow…any Barry will do.

Then do this:You add them with whatever you are smoking.  You can put them on a tray, as I did, so they can get all biblical and whatnot in their juices.  Or, if you already let them get freaky enough to the applicable Barry, then just put ’em right on the grate.  Note: If you put them on a tray, I would put them on the grate after a bit so the bacon has time to get a little crispy.

I had these unholy little bastards on for about 1.5 hours at around 250 – 275, with lump coal and hickory and apple wood chunks (which is how I roll).  By then, that big bacon-wrapped bastard on the lower right had reached 155 degrees, which is right where you want it if you are not into trichinosis.

Then you get this:

Happy birthday to me.

And this:

Oh, look who decided to take some time out her 23.5 hour/day sleeping schedule.

You can throw these at your impatient family and guests to tide them over for the main event.  And it will provide a little somethin’ for your glorious pitmaster belly, so you can continue swilling your firewater of choice. And this is probably easily transferable to regular grilling (just put them away from the flame).